“Let marriage be held in honor among all”
Hebrews 13:4a
The month of June is a very popular month for weddings. My parents’ 50th wedding anniversary is coming up on June 17th, and I am thankful for the example they have been for me in their relationship. I’ve been finding myself doing more premarital and marriage counseling recently, so I’ve been doing a fair amount of reading to better equip myself for that. One of the most influential books that I’ve read recently is a little book called “What is Marriage, Really?” It’s a compilation of two sermons preached by Martin Luther which were first published together back in 1536. Luther’s timeless insight in these sermons is demonstrated by the fact that what he says is still so applicable for us nearly 500 years later. Luther connects marriage to God’s Word over and over, emphasizing that not only is marriage in general a special gift instituted by God, but on a personal level, each spouse (including yours) is a precious, personally selected gift from our heavenly Father.
It’s easy for us to forget this. In our world today, it’s become common to think of marriage as a temporary, disposable thing, that we can move on from a marriage fairly easily if our interests or passions change. However, God intends for marriage to be a lifelong union between a man and a woman. If we remember God’s Word, which tells us that marriage is God’s gift and that your spouse is a gift from God whom He has chosen specifically for you, it can lead to major changes in not only the way you view marriage in general but also in how you treat your spouse. And that can significantly affect your whole life.
The secret to a successful marriage, Luther says, is to keep God’s Word always on your mind and in your heart. Because Satan cannot tolerate anything that is holy, he hates both marriage and God’s Word and works constantly to attack marriage and to keep us from Holy Scripture. However, if we cling to God’s Word and believe what He says about us and about marriage, we keep marriage in the proper perspective, neither idolizing it nor demonizing it. We will be blessed by the gifts He gives to us through the spouse He has given to us.
While the world often sees beauty as being skin-deep or coming from within, as Christians we have a different perspective. True beauty, which is infinitely deeper and stronger than anything we know from this world, is only seen through the eyes of faith. Marriage is God’s institution and it is always pleasing to God, so we should always see and treat our spouse as a beautiful, precious gift created in God’s image. This kind of surpassing beauty is indestructible, irrevocable, and unfading, because it is beauty bestowed by God. If we start by seeing our spouse in this way, we can overcome any adversity and even hostility in marriage and focus on the necessary hard work of loving and respecting each other. Love, then, depends not on being lovable. Instead, this kind of unsurpassed, unfading beauty from God is what makes us lovable.
When I worked in St. Louis as a hospital chaplain for a year after graduating from seminary, I worked under an older chaplain named Bill Russell. I’ve been thankful to keep in touch with him now nearly 20 years later, and even as an octogenarian, he remains prolific sharing his thoughts and activities on Facebook. Recently, he has had to move his wife into a care home so that she can receive the help she needs for her Parkinson’s Disease and dementia. He often shares the highs and lows of his marriage now, like when she forgets who he is or thinks that he’s joined the Navy. But he continues to rave about her beauty and calls her “me love,” even when he posts a picture of her with a black eye because she fell getting out of bed.
You see, this is all a reminder of our relationship with our God. Each of us, regardless of marital status or anything else, has been brought into a relationship with Christ resembling a bride: prepared, cleansed, washed, and sanctified in baptism and through the Word. Jesus Christ has given Himself for us. It is His work alone that makes us worthy. To the naked eye, you may look like anyone else in the world. But through baptism, you are adorned with a robe of Christ’s righteousness, with beauty surpassing anything this world will ever know.